I’m a minimalist by nature. I hate (ok, hate is such a strong word), I resent all forms of clutter.
Recently, when I was out with some friends, the topic of discussion turned to the number of pairs of shoes each of us owned.
I had five. And that was only because during the recent fasting month I came across these really cheap and reasonably comfy flat shoes which cost RM35 per pair for two pairs…. So I bought two pairs after trying them on.
I have one pair of sandals which cost about RM300plus. There are only three brands which I prefer to buy from just because their shoes are comfortable, have a reasonable contemporary style and last long; Clarks, Hush Puppies and Scholl. They are a bit pricy but the shoes last which makes it economical. I only have to buy a new pair once a year or so.
I would wear this one pair of comfy sandals everywhere. To work, shopping, out with family, out with friends, so the colour has to be something that goes with everything, and usually its black. I even wear it to the market and to weddings at five star hotels. Yup, the same pair of sandals.
So this year is a bit unusual because I have three pairs but still the main one is my favourite, the other two recent additions I rotate for other outings.
Then I have two pair of sports shoes, one is for general sports, I bought this pair before I decided to run seriously, and the other pair is purple which I love and is specific for running.
I was so proud to say I have only three pairs of shoes, five if including the sports ones. I know its unusual for ladies because I have a mother and sisters who are ‘normal’. There are countless numbers of boxes with all kinds of shape and colour of shoes inside the boxes belonging to these women. No comment. It’s just not me.
In terms of home furniture and furnishings, I too am a minimalist. Once in our home in Kelantan, when friends came over they thought we just moved in because it was so empty.
Now, my discussion moves on from the physical world to other dimensions of minimalism.
Un-forgiveness is a type of mental or emotional clutter. If someone did something bad and hurtful towards us, not physically but in all other spheres, they hurt our feelings, they criticised us, they used terms to describe us that were derogatory and inaccurate, how do we overcome this? How do we get over the pain? How do we forget? And more importantly, how do we forgive?
In the past few months, I have made more than my fair share of mistakes. I have said things I later regret and have more than hurt other people’s feelings.
I used to find apologising very difficult to do. Now, I find it easy. To apologise is actually much more easier than to forgive because we are not the ones who have been hurt, we have hurt others albeit unintentionally,  and we then expect the person we traumatised to forget about what we did to them, to forgive us, and move on.
What a ridiculous proposition this is, now that the tables are turned and the onus is on me, to forget and forgive others, and move on with my life, or otherwise choose to stay angry and hate them.
The past few weeks I have been struggling to forget and forgive. Some days I am ok. I have forgotten it happened and I am going on with my life. Then something occurs that triggers back the hurt, the anger, and an old would is exposed yet again. It really takes a the bigger person and all the energy in the world to forget about it, and to forgive. Especially when there is no one apologising. Still we forgive not because it is asked, but we forgive so that we can move on, and so that we can forget. — feeling i’m moving on.See More
  • Ima Suhaili Mazlyn Mustapha… i dont know how to express my feeling… but u put it into lovely words…
  • Mazlyn Mustapha Thank you Ima, I believe everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, we need to develop and leverage on our strengths, at the same time identify and overcome our weaknesses 🙂
  • Syikin Zawawi Mazlyn Mustapha, 1 have 5 pairs of shoes and sandala too. And 2 handbags
  • Mazlyn Mustapha Syikin: I have one handbag and I don’t even use it anymore 😛
  • Leok Soo Tan Handbags can be life threatening. I stopped using too. Carry recycle bags when shopping.
  • Emilin W. M. Alli betul lah mazlyn… about the last part.. dan juga part rumah di Kelantan LOL
  • Ashraf Md Shafie Can I share it..?
  • Liyana Tan So u dont use any hand bag?..what kind of carrier u use?. .  I mean for all your belongings. ..like keys..your lipsticks?
  • Siti Hajar Ahmad I am sort like you. until last year I only have a pair used for everything,  a slipper and a sport shoes. this year for I don’t know what reason I bought a few….. don’t like the changes so I’m thinking going back to my usual style

    I find it hard to forgive and forget too. hard to apologize sometimes felt resentful towards others who advised me by saying,  nabi pun maafkan umatnya or Allah maha pengampun,  awak tu siapa tak nak maafkan org.

  • Ris Melati Shamsuddin seorang ahli syurga zaman rasululah,bila di tnya apakah amalan nya untuk dapat syurga- jawapan s: sebelum tidur dia maafkan semua org yg berdosa dengannya.- emotional declutter by nite
  • Ris Melati Shamsuddin i so understand u. one handbag which i dont use much. one pair of shoes and flipflop.
  • Mazlyn Mustapha Yes Ashraf Md Shafie: you can share my writings as long as it is not for profit and credits me as the as the writer, thank you.
  • Mazlyn Mustapha Liyana Tan: I just use a small purse for cash and stuff, the only other item is my phone, which I hold with my small purse. My keys I have on a lanyard which I wear like a necklace when its not convenient to hold lot’s of things. I don’t have lipstick. I have two lip gloss (minimalist, remember) only because my lips tend to get dry (if not I’d rather live without, but I can’t), one is at home on my dressing table, the other I leave in the car, I just wear it before leaving the house or the car depending, if I’m going to work, I would bring the car-lip gloss in my bag (it’s a laptop bag which makes me look like a college student – or so I have been told).
  • Liyana Tan U dont have lipstick *unbelievable big eyes* ?…just like me even lip gloss I dont wear (due to being a “chemist” in uni)…but it seems like u have as your portraiture tells..or is just make over again…
    Great…I will learn to push handbags*given by my mom as I cant afford for handbag* away of my life..but I wish you could give me better consultation on how as I have 3 months old son..is it possible to have just small purse and lanyards* which I have a lot*
    P.s: so I guess I do add in some body language.. lol
  • Mazlyn Mustapha When my kids were small, I had a baby bag. Inside was diaper, wipes, pseudo-cream, one spare change of clothes. It was not very cool and the maid basically carried the bag around and made sure supplies were in stock. The last time I had lipstick was…a few years ago and it was the natural shade, so what is the point, tell me. I just need moisturiser for my lips if not it tends to crack which is painful. Today my mouth ulcer has finally healed after repeated injury – lasted more than 10 days, I actually thought it was stress-related but it was more reckless tooth-brushing.
  • Lavanya WinBright agree 100% with ur last statement. past is past, sis! don’t dwell on it and hurt urself pleazeeeeeeeeee………….btw, sharing my fav quote on forgiveness: “Forgiveness is the fragrance a violet sheds on the very feet that crushed it”!
  • Mazlyn Mustapha True Lavanya, and un-forgiveness is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies. I can’t remember who said it.
  • Lavanya WinBright Yes. I’ve heard that too
  • Liyana Tan Tq Mazlyn Mustapha for useful tips..I learn a lot from you.