It started like this:
Last week, a friend from high school shared a message in a WA group regarding free meals for the poor in Kelantan. It is organised by Persatuan Bulan Sabit Merah Malaysia Negeri Kelantan. Please check with the numbers below for further clarification, I believe the event is held on a weekly basis.
Assalamualaikum..mohon tolong hebahkan agar lebih ramai yg tahu
*HARI RABU-12 APRIL*
Program Bantuan Makanan Tengahari anjuran *Bulan Sabit Merah Malaysia Negeri Kelantan*
dengan kerjasama *Air Kelantan Sdn. Bhd.*
Hari : Rabu
Tarikh : 12 April 2017
Masa : 12:45tgh – 2:00ptg
Lokasi : Perkarangan Ibu Pejabat Bulan Sabit Merah Malaysia Negeri Kelantan, Rumah Amal Tengku Muhammad Faris Petra, Jalan Mahmood, 15200 Kota Bharu, Kelantan (berhadapan Hotel Perdana)
Kumpulan sasaran: Fakir Miskin / Asnaf / Penarik Beca / Golongan tidak berkemampuan
Penyediaan makanan oleh Pasukan Bantuan Sukarela Unit 3
Untuk segala urusan boleh berhubung dgn:
BSMM kelantan: 097435504,
@pegawai BSMM, Rudy: 0129605982 /01116971340
So I shared it in my facebook with permission, and then I tagged a few people, including Kak Yati a.k.a. Hayati Ismail from Food Aid.
Sometime ago, Food Aid launched a branch in Kota Bharu, when it was discovered (not surprising to me, sad to say) that there are people looking for food from the garbage dump here. But I was unable to join during that launch, was busy with something else.
So Kak Yati tagged Kak Ita, the Food Aid representative in Kelantan (and she also describes herself in association with ‘Persatuan Amal Ibu Tunggal dan Wanita Negeri Kelantan’). We had pm-ed before but never met. So I pm’ed her to ask when she was free to meet up. Kak Ita was the one who informed me of the following forum. She said she was coming and was bringing Syed Azmi & ‘Pengarah Pembangunan Wanita’. To be frank, I am a fan of Syed Azmi’s charity work like The Freemarket, and especially more recently, as an advocate against child sexual abuse. So I thought, ok, definitely planning to attend, insya Allah.
FORUM ANCAMAN PEDOFILIA, PORNOGRAFI DAN JENAYAH SIBER
Tema: *Selamatkah Anak-anak Kita?*
*14 April 2017*
*8.30 pagi – 12.30 tengahari*
Tempat : *Dewan Kuliah 1, Pusat Pengajian Sains Pergigian, USM*
Apa yang menarik menanti anda?
Kupasan yang mendalam dari pakar psikiatri dan pakar psikologi kanak-kanak
Perkongsian pengalaman dari pihak PDRM
Panel khas forum:
🕵♀Puan Azlina Roszy Mohamad Ghaffar :Pakar Klinikal Psikiologi Kanak-Kanak Hospital An-Nur
🕵♀Dr. Norzila Zakaria: Pakar Psikiatri Kanak-Kanak USM
🕵♀ASP Tg Maslina Tg Mansor: Bahagian Siasatan Seksual wanita & Kanak-Kanak
Notice the post says start 8.30am.
I was rushing and thought I was late. I think I arrived 8.35am or so. Hubby dropped me and my daughter off in front of the building. He has three more thesis’ to mark, so he can’t join us, unfortunately. There was some problem with the lift, tried the stairs but the door was locked, eventually got up via lift.
One of the first to register and when we got in the hall, there was only a few people in the audience and the rest were setting up the presentation area. Aisey. Why do I always forget that starting 8.30am actually means 9.10am. Silly me. Usually, the organisers would tell me, don’t come at whatever the starting time is, but come half an hour later because if they state it starting 9am, people will come at 9.30am. Why oh why do they make it so complicated, I don’t know. I’m not saying that KL/Selangor people are more punctual, but definitely not as bad.
My daughter started to complain.
As the hall started to fill, I noticed that most of the participants were female. There were perhaps five or six, at most 7-8, men in the room. Total number of people around 100-120.
The first speech was by the deputy dean of PPSG (Pusat Pengajian Sains Pergigian). Then Ketua Wanita IKRAM, Dr Hafidzah, spoke. This is the second time I have heard her speech, last year was at the ‘Anda Bijak, Jauhi Zina’ high school event. In summary, she talks about the importance of the family unit, religious education and spiritual guidance for children. Teach them to know Allah, teach them their responsibilities. Its not just about getting A’s and academic performance. I completely agree.
She touched a bit about paedophilia and the two most infamous cases…
The MARA Imperial College student arrested in London…
Huckle….and the latest, she didn’t mention the case of Selva Kumar Subbiah, maybe because he didn’t exclusively target children, I’m just guessing…
In summary, paedophilia is an psychiatrict illness, and the answer to the problem is education and punishment.
Education is not restricted to children, but also to the public, including teachers. An example given was, in one case of incest involving a 5 year old child, it was the kindergarten teacher who noticed the child walking with a limp. The parents had not noticed.
Seorang guru telah melihat anak murid berumur 5 tahun berjalan dengan tempang-kes incest (dirogol oleh saudara sendiri), dikesan oleh guru. Ibu bapa sendiri terlepas pandang.
The forum was the officiated, there was a video played made by “Mother’s Against Porn”, launching of MAP Kelantan, where a child is taught the difference between safe touch and unsafe touch, which are parts of the body not meant to be touched by another person. While I thought the video was an excellent and useful initiative because it is in Malay, I wondered:
Why mothers? What about the fathers? Shouldn’t it be Parents Against Porn? And in the videos, I saw a lot of girls and ladies, no men and boys, why is that?
The forum began and the first speaker was a friend, Dr Norzila Zakaria, child psychiatrist from HUSM.
In her introduction, she mentioned many things about paedophilia.
Paedophilia is a mental illness. It is part of paraphelia, which is abnormal sexual behaviors. Paedophiles get sexual gratification from children, or are attracted sexually to the young.
Paedophiles are often trusted individuals, they can be charming. The danger is everywhere. We cannot trust even our own spouse 100%. The most important tool we have is education.
Teach children about: Safe touch, and unsafe touch.
Children can become a victim, but they can also be a perpetrator.
In one case example, the child was raped repeatedly by her own brother. It was a ‘very religious’ family who dressed in jubah etc. (We can always argue that wearing jubah is not a measure of religious-ness, but that wasn’t the topic of discussion, I am sure the speaker had other reasons, but not mentioned due to time constraints).
The victim did not know whom to seek help from and finally confided to a friend😔…
It was also emphasized that “not all child sexual offenders are paedophiles. Many situational offenders in cases of child sexual abuse”. Quote Dr Zahilah Filzah of Doktor Budak.com comment on my page.
Not all child sexual offenders are paedophiles and not all paedophiles are sexual offenders.
Then it was the clinical psychologist’s turn and I had to leave somewhere in between as my daughter got upset and hubby had to come fetch her and send her home.
The main points that I jotted down:
Porn is the new drug. We need to wage war against porn.
She mentioned a real case of a college student who is addicted to porn and masturbation, aged 19.
Masalah seorang pelajar IPTA, ketagih onani. Umur 19 tahun.
We must understand and view pornography as an industry, it is worth US$4billion. The largest producer is United States of Amerika (60%), second largest is UK (7%) and other countries contribute small percentages…
What shocked me the most was, the countries who are top users or viewers of online pornography are very different from the top producers. Most of them are muslim, Asian and Arab countries.
Let me elaborate: the reason (given by the speaker) is because many of these countries have a higher proportion of youth (being part of ‘developing’ nations), and the target market for porn industry is males aged 6-16.
The websites (according to the speaker) provides short (30 second) videos for free. Additional viewing requires payment.
Once addicted, like cigarettes, the porn users become lifetime customers.
Then the PDRM representative explained what happens when a crime has took place.
Mangsa datang ke balai polis atau hospital
Laporan polis dibuat, mangsa dirujuk kepada pegawai penyiasat
Pegawai penyiasat akan dapatkan keterangan dari mangsa
Jika belum, mangsa dihantar ke hospital, doktor akan periksa (jika kes rogol)
Polis kemudian akan membuat tangkapan suspek
Polis akan lawat tempat kejadian
Mangsa akan menggunakan patung anatomi jika masih kecil/OKU/sukar memberi keterangan
Dalam kebanyakkan kes, suspek adalah seseorang yang dikenali oleh mangsa.
There was a 20 minute break, got to chat with Kak Ita, say hello and salam Dr Hafidzah, wanted to say hello to Syed Azmi but he looked pretty busy at the VIP table. Anyway, met another lady who runs a kindergarten and school, some of the students are victims of sexual abuse, she was looking for more specific guidance to help the children, she also mentioned that some of the kids at her school did not know how to read and write, children of drug addicts, and they were taking UPSR this year, so she is helping them too. It’s just sad.
After the break, forum continues…
Masalah: anak-anak tidak dipantau kerana ibu bapa sibuk.
Ada kes anak yang ‘diajar jadi pedofilia’. (Ada kes lain natural/memang suka kepada kanak-kanak untuk kepuasan seksual/tidak diajar).
Some are trained to become paedophiles through pornography, while for others, they have a natural inclination of sexual attraction towards children. It may be difficult to distinguish the two.
Fantasy pedofilia, imaginasi sangat tinggi, sampai jadi obsession (tak dapat fikir benda lain, distressing because the person knows it is wrong from a religious perspective).
Biar anak mengadu apa-apa kepada ibu bapa. Never doubt your kids (jika mereka mengadu).
Be aware of Grooming (in real life & chat rooms).
Ajar anak jangan duduk di pangku orang, jika lihat terlalu rapat, perlu ditegur. Sekat jika perlu.
Real case example. One mum’s credit card bill was RM3k, she discovered that her son used it (without her knowledge/consent) to subscribe porn…
Wife was lonely, met other person through chat room, used porn, wife ended up committing zina.
Targets are girls aged 13-17, (some even younger than that, youngest case age 3).
Smartphone is a tool used.
Example of real case
Paedophile: 65 years old, the victim was a teenager. Victim called him ‘Abang’, when she should have addressed him more appropriately as Atuk. The victim was a friend of the daughter.
He gives presents, gets the trust of parents, pick up from school, send to school, isolate victim, (ask the victim to leave current boyfriend because its not good to have a boyfriend), spend less time with their friends, more time with the paedophile.
Told victim to keep it a secret.
Finally, when perpetrator broke promise (didn’t buy her a car), victim complained 😔. It was all done for sexual relationship.
“It happens a lot” quote the psychologist.
Real case example
Father raped daughter. Case could have easily been prosecuted but the victim did not want to pursue the case because the father was the sole breadwinner, she felt sorry for the mother and the rest of the family who will be left without source of income. Difficult to prosecute such cases even though the evidence etc is in place.
A lot of cases happen in rural areas.
A child may be very young for example 3 years old, difficult for them to verbalize, have to repeat to doctor, police, JKM. Child does not want to repeat the story, these are part of challenges in prosecuting. Still, police do their best to overcome these challenges.
What public can do:
Assistance, help, support from public is needed to prevent crime.
Come forward as a witness.
Can register as rakan cop 👮.
Please lodge police report not just for rape cases, but also molestation.
Grooming is not limited to 13-17 year old girls, younger girls are also targets. Youngest case was a 3 year old girl.
It affects not just poor, but people from rich background too. One of the causes/factors not mentioned during the panel discussion is the lack of love/attention from family/parents.